Monday, June 23, 2008

Soccer Dads

by David G. Woolley

If you've been keeping up on local Utah politics you've noticed a little tussle going on in the republican ranks. Upstart Jason Chaffetz is in a statistical dead heat with Congressman Chris Cannon going into this month's run off for the US House of Representatives republican primary nomination. Chaffetz has positioned himself as the more conservative of the two while Cannon points to his experience. They're both very competitive and they know their stuff. What they don't know is that their sons, Matt and Max, play soccer for my club.

I see both soccer dads at games. Chris always wears a pair of blue jeans and an open collar shirt. For Jason its slacks and sometimes a coat, no tie. Chris paces a lot. He stands right on the edge of the action. Jason brings a lawn chair and kicks back. If Chris says anything about the match its usually to himself. Jason cheers and jeers with the loudest of them.

With so much media attention focused on the competitiveness of the republican race, I wasn't surprised to see Jason challenge Chris to a shootout for the nomination after a recent training session. They asked me to referee.

Woolley: Have you ever done this before?

Chaffetz: I punted for BYU's football team.

Cannon: I kick everything.

Chaffetz: I don't like the way he said that.

Woolley: Come on guys, its just a game.

Cannon: Here, use this coin for the toss. I choose the side with the little circle cut into it.

Woolley: Chris, this a washer.

Cannon: What's wrong with that? It's always worked before.

Chaffetz: Its all about winning for him.

Woolley: Okay, Chafetz you kick first. Chris, you're the keeper.

Cannon: I'm not keeping.

Woolley: You think that's a good idea?

Cannon: It worked on immigration reform. That's what conservatism is all about. Less governmental regulation. Just get out of the way and let things happen. It'll unnerve him.

Chaffetz: I'm the true conservative.

Cannon: No trash talking.

Chaffetz: Can I drop kick it?

Cannon: Once again, he misrepresents the issues.

Chaffetz: Do not.

Cannon: Do too.

Chaffetz: I'll buy you a #2 value meal to play keeper.

Cannon: The congressional ethics office will have a hey day with this guy.

Woolley: Boys.

Chaffetz: All right. I'll kick first.

Cannon: Inexperienced.

Chaffetz: Liberal.

Cannon: Obama lover.

They ended up tied after five shots. Chris went wide every time. Chaffetz hit the crossbar four out of five. We didn't see the fifth shot. Jason took it when we weren't looking. he swore it went through a hole in the net. We ended up letting Jason punt the ball. Chris threw it underhanded. I planned to tell you who won, but I've been sworn not to reveal the winner until after the primary. Neither candidate wanted to bias the voting. Apparently they know something about the size of the readership here at Top of the Morning I don't. Without giving everything away I did overhear them talking on the way to the parking lot. Chaffetz challenged Cannon to a double-or-nothing arm wrestle for the nomination. If I were Chris I'd seriously consider it. He's the strong man.

Good luck to both candidates and may the best pk shooter represent Utah in congress.

Join author David G. Woolley at his Promised Land Website. He is also a weekly contributor to the Latter Day Authors blog and he writes commentary and opinion at the Utah Ranger's Far Post blog

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