by David G. Woolley
Mitt Romney was in Utah last weekend hosting President Bush and John McCain at his Deer Valley retreat. You may be surprised to know that when Mitt's sons were in college at Brigham Young University, I threw out two very ugly wall hanging bear lamps their mother, Anne, intended for the family cabin retreat. Apparently Anne and I have different tastes in home furnishings. Her sons left the lamps atop a refrigerator in a student apartment over the Christmas break and I assumed they were junk. Sorry about that Mrs. Romney.
With all the presidential hulabaloo last weekend, I decided to try to get a photo of some of the dignitaries. I was also hoping to apologize to Anne. Wouldn't you know it, I ran into John McCain, Mitt Romney and George W. Bush in the Park City Albertson's Grocery store. They were picking up some last minute items for the party. I was looking for a battery for my camera.
Woolley: So you're having a lot of guests this weekend?
Romney: The grill only holds twenty dogs at a time. Anne is gonna be ticked.
Woolley: She gets upset?
Romney: Food and home furnishings. She's pretty protective about both.
Woolley: I was thinking about standing with the press outside the cabin gates for a photo. But maybe not. Will Anne be there?
Bush: Its not really a cabin, shorty. Have you seen the place? Its got, like, eight chimneys. They don't have those in Texas.
McCain: Don't be such a wimp, Woolley. Elbow yourself in there, stand with those fetchers in the media and get yourself a photo. I'll smile your way.
Woolley: So you don't actually like all those media types?
Bush: Hey boys, you want the all beef foot longs or the Oscar Meyers?
Romney: Can't we get both?
McCain: Hold on Mitt. Fund raising isn't going so well. Why do you think I agreed to do this Utah gig?
Bush: I'll bet you a Texas horned toad Obama gets both for his private parties.
McCain: We're going to run a respectful campaign, George. No bashing. No personal attacks. Keep to the issues.
Bush: Hot dogs?
Woolley: So this is a private affair?
Romney: $70,000 gets you a seat on the sofa.
Woolley: I can stand.
Romney: No discounts.
Bush: I didn't prepare a speech. Not a lot of spare time. There's a war on, you know. Its a Q & A format. You can ask me anything.
McCain: How much are the foot longs?
Bush: We all saw the same intelligence report, didn't we?
Woolley: So senator, who are you going to choose as VP? Everyone's asking.
McCain: Money first. You can pay Mitt.
Romney: I'm only doing the collections to help Republicans across the country get elected to office. You understand.
Woolley: So you don't want the job, is that what your saying Mitt?
McCain: He wants it. Everyone wants it. I love it.
Bush: That's it. No more free questions.
Woolley: I hate bear lamps.
Romney: We got a live one in packaged meats, George. Get your secret service guys over here. Now!
I got out of the store fast. Didn't want any suit with a wire in his ear reporting me to Anne. Those secret service guys know everything about everyone. I decided Bush is a better fund raiser than Romney, but not necessarily a better businessman. He knows how to set a firm price in this volatile market. I also decided there's no way McCain is going to choose Romney as VP. He doesn't have a large enough grill.
Join author David G. Woolley at his Promised Land Website. He is also a weekly contributor to the Latter Day Authors blog and he writes commentary and opinion at the Utah Ranger's Far Post blog