Monday, July 07, 2008

Attention Shoppers

by David G. Woolley
Editor's Note: If you're planning a trip to the grocery store, make sure you go during the cooler summer morning hours or after sunset. If you must shop during the heat of the day, please follow our Top of the Morning safety tips at the end of this post. We are not responsible for readers who ignore safety regulations. Its for your own good.

The Associated Press reported a story last week about Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego. Her true name, age and city of residence have been changed to protect her identity. She refused to go entirely public for this story.

Linda was shopping for groceries at a local supermarket. Patrons reported noticing her sitting in her car motionless. She held her hands pressed to the back of her head and her eyes were closed. The car windows were rolled up.

One observant shopper said, "When I came out of the supermarket I saw the woman sitting in the same position as when I went in." She knocked on the window and asked if everything was okay.

Linda was unable to lower her hands from her head to unlock the doors or roll down the window. Through the glass she was able to mouth the words, "I've been shot."

The shopper called paramedics who tore away Linda's car door with mechanical jaws. The medical team found a wad of dough stuck to her skull and an exploded Pillsbury canister in her grocery bag in the back seat.

Linda said, "It sounded like a gunshot. I thought my brains were falling out."

The victim reported initially passing out, but she recovered to hold her brains in until someone came to her aid.

AP didn't report the color of her hair. Here at the Top of the Morning we have our suspicions. We also want to warn all our readers to place dough canisters in the trunk during hot summer weather.

Safe summer shopping to everyone. And if you can't shop safe, at least have a Top of the Morning Monday.

Edtior's Note II: This story was adapted by the author from a real life experience. Hope you have lots of these in your shopping exploits. And Linda, no more shopping above 72 degrees Fahrenheit.

Join author David G. Woolley at his Promised Land Website. He is also a weekly contributor to the Latter Day Authors blog and he writes commentary and opinion at the Utah Ranger's Far Post blog


Aaron and Stephanie Shumway (and family) said...

Hillarious!!!! I can't believe that this is not a more common occurance in AZ! However, if you ever come to visit us here during the intensely hot summer months, never leave Dairy Queen unless you've eaten your icecream down to the cone. Otherwise, you'll have a sticky mess on your hands. Literaly. As soon as you walk out the door, it melts faster than a wet'n'wicked witch.

David G. Woolley said...

Hi Stephanie:

Isn't that a riot. I figured you would enjoy this more than most, since you do live in the hottest place on earth.

Love you,