Monday, July 28, 2008

Soccer Dads and the Vote Recount

by David G. Woolley

If you kept up on local Utah politics this past month you likely noticed a little tussle going on in the republican ranks. Upstart Jason Chaffetz was in a statistical dead heat with Congressman Chris Cannon going into July's run off for the US House of Representatives republican primary nomination. Chaffetz positioned himself as the more conservative of the two while Cannon pointed to his experience. They were both very competitive and they knew their stuff. Jason won. Chris gave it a good fight. What neither candidate knew was that their sons, Matt and Max, both played for the same soccer club. My club.

I've seen the two soccer dads at games. Chris usually wears a pair of blue jeans and an open collar shirt. For Jason its slacks and sometimes a coat, no tie. Chris paces a lot. He stands right on the edge of the action. Jason brings a lawn chair and kicks back. If Chris says anything about the match its usually to himself. Jason cheers and jeers with the loudest of them.

With so much media attention prior to the voting in July, I wasn't surprised to see Jason challenge Chris to a shootout after an early July training session. They asked me to referee.

Woolley: Have you ever done this before?

Chaffetz: I punted for BYU's football team.

Cannon: I kick everything.

Chaffetz: I don't like the way he said that.

Woolley: Come on guys, its just a game.

Cannon: Here, use this coin for the toss. I choose the side with the little hole cut into it.

Woolley: Chris, this a washer.

Cannon: What's wrong with that? It's always worked before.

Chaffetz: Its all about winning for him.

Woolley: Okay, Chaffetz you kick first. Chris, you're the keeper.

Cannon: I'm not keeping.

Woolley: You think that's a good idea?

Cannon: It worked on immigration reform. That's what conservatism is all about. Less governmental regulation. Just get out of the way and let things happen. It'll unnerve him.

Chaffetz: I'm the true conservative.

Cannon: No trash talking.

Chaffetz: Can I drop kick it?

Cannon: Once again, he misrepresents the issues.

Chaffetz: Do not.

Cannon: Do too.

Chaffetz: I'll buy you a #2 value meal to play keeper.

Cannon: The congressional ethics office will have a hey day with this guy.

Woolley: Boys.

Chaffetz: All right. I'll kick first.

Cannon: Inexperienced.

Chaffetz: Liberal.

Cannon: Obama lover.

They ended up tied after five shots. Chris went wide every time. Chaffetz hit the crossbar four out of five. We didn't see the fifth shot. Jason took it when we weren't looking. He swore it went through a hole in the net. We ended up letting Jason punt the ball. Chris threw it underhanded. I planned to tell you who won, but I don't want to upset either man now that the primaries are over. Without giving everything away I did overhear them talking on the way to the parking lot. Chris challenged Chafetz to a double-or-nothing arm wrestle for a re-count. If I were Jason Chafetz I wouldn't do it. Chris is the strong man.

May the recount go to the best pk shooter.

Join author David G. Woolley at his Promised Land Website. He is also a weekly contributor to the Latter Day Authors blog and he writes commentary and opinion at the Utah Ranger's Far Post blog


Candace E. Salima said...

Very funny.

David G. Woolley said...

Hi Candace:

Thanks for laughing with me. I thought you'd like this post. You're the politician among us. I'd vote for you any day, including the first Tuesday of November.

David G. Woolley